The Pain of Hope

Sometimes, we hit rock bottom. We want to give up and roll over, but this nagging voice inside of us keeps pushing us to keep trying. This annoying hope drives us forward, even on days we know we really don't want to get out of bed. The good thing about being Christian is that we can put our faith in God and He will help us to go forward, even when our body is racked with pain. We keep moving on and looking up, continually trudging ahead, sometimes not believing that we even have the fortitude to continue.

It's in those times I like to remember Psalm 119,. 116-117:

116 Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live:

And let me not be ashamed of my hope.,

117 Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe:

And I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.

I have spent an enormous amount of time, ashamed of that hope welling up inside me, though I am more cynical than I was in my youth. I have been mocked and treated like my patience, good cheer, and humorous nature makes me naive. I've been told I'm a kid. I have been ridiculed for my tendency to take work seriously and push myself past what most people consider fair. In one of my active shooter computer modules, it shows someone grabbing a fire extinguisher to fight back against the gunman. One of my coworkers looked at me as we completed the class and laughed, saying "You're the type to risk your life for this place, but I'm not."

I just laughed it off. Inside, though, I was furious.

I want to know when caring about people enough to stand your ground and protect them became a joke and hard work became a laughable offense. I was confused about my internal anger at the time, but now I realize why it bothered me, and still kinda does.

I don't work the way I do for myself. I push myself because I want to be the best for the people I work with and for. I care about people, not just how they see me, but how I can help them have a better shift. I work the way I do because I am a child of God. I have to clutch on to hope that one day all my hard work will turn into something amazing and that life will become easier not just for me, but for the people I am surrounded by. Until that day, I will embrace that hope. I will not be ashamed anymore because I know that God has a plan for me, and He will reward me one day. If it never happens in this life, at least I can stand before Him in the next and say, "Did I make you proud?"

I pray that I will live to fish, until my dying day.

And when it comes to my last cast, I then most humbly pray-

That in the Lord's great landing net, and peacefully asleep,

That in His Mercy, I'll be judged, big enough to keep.

Ask yourself today how you can make changes tomorrow to make your coworkers' lives a little bit better. Until later, keep on walking!

Rebecca